In a minute you won't know what hit you.

My headache started out like a normal headache but as its gotten later and I can't stop thinking about you, it just seems like theres an earthquake on my mind. When it explodes I don't know where I will be or what state of mind will be available. Am I crazy? Is there a such thing as thinking too much, wondering, worrying and stressing over things that you have no control over? or is that just normal? I don't even know what normal is, but I'm sure I'm far from it.

Is it so hard to find someone to talk too? I just need someone to keep my mind from wandering all the time, but I can't ever find someone. The person you need the most is never there and their the only one that you know will ease some of the pain. I honestly don't know where I am going with this but I just feel like getting something out. Its freezing in my room and my fingers can barely type which is weird because most of the time I'm sweltering in heat and my head is on overflow. Lately its been so unusual, my body is losing feeling and I'm not doing the normal things I normally do. Normally I'm scavenging for food and drinking as much pop as whats in the house...lately I'm not eating much. A banana, maybe and as many bottles of water as there is in the house as well plus glasses of water. I don't sleep at night anymore, my mind won't stop racing and when I do sleep all I do is dream and their not just dream, dreams their emotional roller coasters where I can feel my heart beating so fast its just going to jump out of my chest. Maybe I am stronger than I realize and in my dreams it seems like its trying to show me what all is going on. I try to run away but dreaming keeps me trapped where I can't and thats when I feel it the worse. When I woke up this morning my head was throbbing and my eyes didn't want to open and my body was exhausted like I hadn't slept in over a week...I'm really stressed out right now and I guess I don't even realize what all is going on I can only think of one thing thats bothering me the most and I think I'm the only person its bothering...no need to say because I wouldn't know how to explain it and no one would understand because you can't feel this right now, which is probably for the best.

I guess thats about it for now. I guess I'll go back to trying to distract myself, my room is wow, I went through everything and threw away many things I never thought I'd let out of my hands and went through clothes, my closet...everything. I'm trying to empty it all out...if only I could do that on the inside too.

♥