Dont worry about it

I am getting so sick of everyone around, no one seems to care I'm just so far gone and nothings going to change.
If you say you're going to do something then do it! there is no excuse! None at all, I am so sick of the lying the disappointments and most of all the stupid shit excuses. Excuse me...if you say you're going to do something then don't do you think I want to hear an excuse? no an I'm sorry would be just fine, although it won't justify but still ya know...and after more than three times you say you're going to do something and don't then I start losing faith, a lot of it and trust along with it. I get hopes up, you should be one of the last fucking people to break that lose but look at whats already happening. There is no excuse why you should be 2 1/2 hours late to make a simple phone call, seriously...you can't call me on the way home? like you said! I'm sorry is that too much to fucking ask you've been too busy for me at all this week you tell me that you'll call after class at 930 and oh look its practically midnight and I'm still waiting! Its fucking ridiculous. There is no excuse for it, at all...have I not warned everyone? because I swear I did...if you screw up with me or piss me off you can't go back I will make you feel like shit and make you want to be six feet under. I apparently don't make myself clear when I say don't mess with me because I promise you the outcome will not be pretty. I don't mess around when it comes to shit like that, if you "care" you wouldn't have to have an excuse every single fucking day and frankly I am quite sick of hearing all of them and its pretty funny that I can already know what excuse you're going to come up with and its never severe enough where you can't call and take two minutes to tell me that...sorry I thought I would be worth more than that to you. No wonder I am so down on myself, no one can prove anything to me you can tell me all you fucking want but if I am so fucking great then why is a different day same excuse? or ya know you can't even come through for me! I just don't know what to do at this point, I'm losing all faith and hope granted its been a hard fucking week when you can't make time for me and then plan your weekend without me too? what the fuck? And you know what its not so much paranoia anymore its more of I already know whats going to happen I already know! but my paranoia is a way thats like already warning me or something of disappointment to come. How can you be so full of yourself when everyone around you right and left is hurting you weather they "mean" it or not. It happens, doesn't it? I mean if you can already predict what I am going to say or how I'm feeling is it worth going through? You ask if you disappointed me am I really going to say that to you? no, but do I want too? very much so...cause you did and you do more than you realize. I always ask did you forget about me, again and key word is again because it seems to happen a lot but you claim and stick with the answer "no i did not forget about you" bullshit. If I could ever hold it in long enough and not let my anger out and text you I bet you wouldn't even fucking call! but I'm nice enough where I am not going to bug you during the day if you're so "busy" oh and how about when you get a break or something you'll text me....yea I don't hold my breath for that one at all!! I never expect it, I hope...I'll admit it I hope that you will actually surprise me but deep down I just fucking know and thats what hurts. It hurts knowing that the person telling you that you're so down on yourself and its hard for them is letting you down and making you at this point be down on yourself because you can't seem to find any other way at the moment. Where else am I supposed to look too? I just don't get it...you seem to have an excuse for everything! and its just already gotten old and I'm not sure that I can go too much longer like this unless something is done about it. You stress me out already and I do not need that right now. I'm just sick of it all! You claim in the beginning that you make time for people, so when are you going to make time for me? Yeah, thats what I thought...you're too busy for me but not for school then work then oh hang out with the boys, which is fine whatever I'm not going to tell you you can't hang out with them but when it means neglecting me thats just totally different. You'd think that on a two min break you could text me or call and say hi, or at least do what you say you're going too but already I'm losing faith in this so called relationship that I thought I was ready for but I don't think so because I can't have someone else again not have time for me, its ridiculous. Just more and more everyday. Oh and you also have time to get online for a min. too but you don't "forget about me" I think you clearly do. If I can't rely on you now what makes it seem like I ever will be able too? You're already starting to make me wonder...I see you found people on "are you interested" thats real nice for me to see...thats what you get online for?...what are you already shopping for someone else. I told you not to waste your time on me but you insisted so now what? prove to me that I mean something...cause right now I feel like nothing and it hurts. My frustration is building and I bottle it up all inside until something breaks me but who knows what or when that will happen but I predict it to be sooner than planned until then I don't know what to do, I don't even want to answer when you call but I do anyway, why? because at least I missed you but your lies are eating at me. I'm just so ugh right now! The only thing that keeps my mind of it is sleeping until I wake up and see what time it is and cry myself back to sleep...I hate this.
♥